Monday, July 29, 2013

I Are What I Be

          Sometimes you are just born a certain way, and that is the way you are, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.  To paraphrase a slightly deformed sailor, “I y’am what I y’am”.  Based upon that premise, which basically makes the whole field of psychology useless, I have a confession to make:  I love fast food.   And make no mistake, this is not an apology.  I state it loudly and with pride.  I love fast food.
            This is one thing my brother and co-author and I have in common.  We both love fast food.  Berk is more organized about it, though, as he is with most things.  He keeps a file of fast food coupons, and when he goes out to satiate his cravings, he merely opens that file and finds a coupon for a type of fast food he hasn’t had recently, (in this case recently means in the last week or so).
            I don’t love fast food any less, and therefore I try to save coupons too, but I always forget where it is that I saved them and by the time I find them they have expired.  That’s okay, though, because I usually order off the dollar menu anyway.  Which is another great thing about fast food.  For under four bucks I can get a couple of burgers and a diet coke.
            I wish to also make clear that I am not a fast food snob.  I like all kinds of fast food: burgers, pizza, tacos, fried chicken, sub sandwiches, whatever, I like it all.  Oh, I know there are people who will turn their noses up at McDonalds.  “McDonalds!” they’ll say, crinkling their snobbish noses at the thought.  McDonalds is way too common for them.  Not for me.  I like to order two of the regular, original burgers, usually for under a dollar each, (Whimpy was smarter than he looked) a small order of fries, and if I’m feeling crazy, a couple of chocolate chip cookies.  Cheap and good!
            You know what else is cheap and good? Jack ‘n the Box tacos.  You can get two tacos for 99 cents.  That and a burger, for a buck, make a meal.  I like Del Taco, Taco Bell, (except at Taco Bell you can’t get Diet Coke, come on, guys get with the program), Pizza Hut, Little Caesars’, KFC, Subway, and I even like Wendy’s, although I don’t like that skinny, obnoxious, little red head who does their commercials.  No way she eats at Wendy’s all the time.
            You know what else is cheap and good?  Del Taco’s half pound bean burrito.  Costs under a dollar and is virtually a meal in and of itself.  I drown it in their hottest hot sauce, and to top it off, you can get Diet Coke at Del Taco.
            I know what you’re thinking: Why get Diet Coke if you’re eating fast food anyway?  Does it really make that much difference?  Eh, probably not, but I have just developed a taste for Diet Coke.  I like it better.  And when push comes to shove, I’m buying fast food because I like the taste.  So I get what I want for a few bucks and don’t worry about the rest.
            You know what else is cheap and good?  Pizza Hut meat lovers pizza when they have that $10.00 deal.  Especially when it has bacon on it.  All that fat-laden meat, with cheese and marinara sauce.  Yum!
            You may think I’m going to die young, but I have news for you.  I already past being young.  Besides, what is the point of living a long time if you have to eat like a rabbit.  Come to think of it, have you ever seen a really old rabbit?  I didn’t think so.
            So there you have it.  I love fast food.  I would call it my “guilty pleasure”, except I don’t feel guilty at all about it.  If I had a guilty pleasure, and I might, I sure as hell wouldn’t be telling you all about it anyway.
            Fast food: you gotta love it.  I’ll have a salad tomorrow.


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